Today I had one of

Today I had one of those urges to take two random pics from my collection and merge them. Ideas like this are always liable to look twisted. Just got to wait for the right worth 1000 competition.

I’ve got summer class starting in a few days. It’s made up of a pronounciation class every day for 90 minutes followed by a 2 hour creative arts session. It’s really sodding hot here at the moment, Songkran, the hottest day of the year is just 2 weeks away.

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Oh and for Tim, heres an enlarged view of Lizzie from Prisoner.

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Flickr Blog This Button

Well hey this is funky, I’m just testing out top piccy sharing chatwotsit Flickr’s new blog this button and if all goes well you’ll be able to see Bart writing a slogan very dear to my heart.

bartNgoogle Originally uploaded by LDMA.

Posted by LDMA from Flickr.

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LDMA’s Holiday Snaps From Samui

Ok here’s the moment you’ve “all” been dreading. Yes LDMA is getting his holiday snaps out from Samui. Ok,ok, theres only four and their mostly landscape shots so I might even be accused of photoblogging at this rate! Ok, well here goes.

First of all, here’s a shot of the beach 20 metres from our bungalow.

Next we have a couple of shots shot of one of natures most entertaining rock features, called Hin Yai (Grandmother Rock). It has a partner rock which thrusts more skywards about 10 metres away called Hin Ta (Grandfather Rock).

Finally, what tropical holiday snap showing dullard would be complete without the obligatory sunset photo (or 20).

Ok hope you like them.

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Whilst I’m here, more shouts out to that Man In Japan Tim for mentioning me yet again for pointing him the direction of the Blog I used to test out my Blogroll. I’m getting a feeling that he is becoming obsessed with wrestling, sumo and otherwise, as there have been no less than three references to it over the past week that I have been reading his blog. Today’s wrestling related treat is a quite frightening link to one John Paul Riley a somewhat camp individual, who’s minimalist home page belies his very contrasting two interests. Wrestling and Philosophy! Thanks for yet another fascinating wrestling link Tim!

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Ann Widdecombe - Agony Aunt

Ann Widdecombe - Agony Aunt

Oh lordy! Doris Karloff is hardly the most sensitive soul in the world, which is why I believe the Guardian has given her own agony column, not for any kind of seriousness, but as a parody of the agony aunt in it’s antithesis.

My husband left his wife and child for me eight months ago. I have two children, younger than his, from a previous relationship. Despite what I feel was a very reasonable divorce settlement, my husband still spends as much on his first child as he did before, and still gives his ex-wife additional money whenever she asks for it. It all amounts to easily as much as he spends on us, his new family. I think we should be his first priority now, especially as his ex-wife is a professional woman and has ample funds for everything she and her child might need. He wouldn’t be depriving them of anything. Am I right?
Name and address withheld

He should have stayed with his wife as he vowed to do when he married her. You should have married and stayed with the father of your kids. Then you wouldn’t be in this silly mess, where the only victims are the children. Goodnight.

Absolutely hilarious stuff! DO-RIS! DO-RIS!

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The Journey From Hell

Welcome dear readers to another day in the Wor Zone. Today I will document my return from Samui…..

AKA

The Journey From Hell

It started off ok. We got the boat from Samui to Don Sak at midday, and made our way south towards Nakhon Si Thammarat. We stopped off on the outskirts of Nakhon for some fried rice, and continued down the beach road.

Then Disaster!

We stopped at a red traffic light, and when it turned green I noticed that the engine had cut out. Starting it again I saw that the tempreture gauge was blowing through the roof, and after another 2km the engine cut out again and miraculously drifted to a halt outside a petrol station.

Now this petrol station you must understand wasn’t a Shell or Esso, or even a PTT. No, this was a country bumpkin independent kind of place, no fridge full of Ginsters, and certainly no radiator coolant which is what we needed. We got the bonnet open and tried to cool the engine down by flushing water through the radiator. This seemed to work for a bit, and we got underway again, but about 5 km later it was overheating again, so before it cut out we stopped, and put some more water in to cool it down.

We then made it the next 5 km to the nearest small town where we found a petrol station that sold coolant. We whacked a bottle of it in which seemed to do the trick for about another 60 km, but then it started overheating in a little town called Sating Pra about 50km from Songkhla. We tried another bottle of coolant, but this time when we started back up the tempreture just kept increasing until 15 km later we ground to a complete halt again. By this time it was about 7:30 and dark. We seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, but as luck would have it again, we’d drifted outside another sticks garage, who let us have water.

We’d also managed to block up a small soi, which we quickly discovered was called Soi Police because there was a police station up there. A off duty copper came down in his car and tried to help us out, finally going to find a mechanic for us, though he ended up not being able to find one.

By this time Kan was none too happy, so I called the AA….erm that is not the British roadside assistance service but Ae from Coffee Mar, who leaped to our rescue and drove the 30 odd km to come and rescue us.

WHAT A STAR!

So big shouts out to Ae who towed us to a nearby garage (latest estimates are around 5000 baht (80 quid)), and took us and our stuff back to Songkhla.

It seems at first analysis to be a busted piston or two on the engine but don’t ask me cos I know nuffink about cars except how to make ‘em go left and right and that.

I think it’s a fucking joke that if you break down in this country the best that you can expect is an overpriced tow away assuming that you are aware of the police help number, which we weren’t. Otherwise there is no such thing as a quality roadside assitance club like the AA or RAC like in the UK. We were very lucky to even get back last night.

I will say this though, Thais are very generous with their help, presumably because they know that we could be very stuck.

Oh well could have been worse, though I don’t need the extra expense this month!

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iSMN - Gayboy

Gritsniffer huh? Why I oughta…..why I oughta publish an old photo of the man like iSMN, purveyor of stange vibrations.

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I’m off back to Songkhla tomorrow, but like the Murphys I’m not bitter. I’ve got 12 of the latest DVDs to what picked up for about 32 quid in total and all quality. Amongst them Return of the King, The Matrix Revolutions, Animatrix, 13, The Passion of The Christ, Master and Commander, and Lost in Translation. I also found Trainspotting out here which I have been craving to see again for ages (if you’ll pardon the pun there.)
So, it looks like I won’t be bored for a while in my sleepy little town, but to be honest I’m getting a bit bored with the San Antonio style antics here in Chaweng. I went out the other night for a Burger King at about midnight and the streets were pure carnage. Dunno, being married has totally put me off this kind of stuff, where I’d have been totally up for it and more 4 years ago.

Oh, and the tourists, it’s true that ex-pats in Thailand have a real disdain for tourists whether they be backpackers, or Thomas Cook package types. Why?
Because they come to Thailand and treat it as if it were a similar culture like going to Benidorm for 2 weeks.

Thai culture is so different from Western culture but the tourists neither check up on this or care. The biggest example I can give is the topless sunbathing. This is not only illegal in Thailand, but grossly offensive to Thais in general. Here in Samui it is everywhere and the locals turn a blind eye, but I’ve seen it in Songkhla and the look that locals give says it all.

Thai culture is something that we ex-pats (especially those who live outside the tourist ghettos) have learned slowly over time and are always conscious about, and the smallest things can offend Thai people, which is why seeing the uncaring crass tourism here kind of pisses me off. Kan reckons it’s an example of her post-neo-colonialism, where tourists and culture and not armies are colonising traditional culture and bending it to their image. Ok rant over…..Conclusion of Koh Samui, it’s pretty but I’m bored now.

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Aids risk ‘cut by circumcision’

Aids risk ‘cut by circumcision’

Men who have been circumcised may be six times less likely to contract the HIV virus than uncircumcised men, research carried out in India suggests.

Look, I’m not going to bang on about this too much, but I read this and I thought about all the idiots who have ever tried to persuade me that my circumcision (yes, I am Jewish, so it goes without saying), is somehow a form of child abuse, and that kids should have the choice of having it done when they’re older….Like anyone with an ounce of sense would want their knob hacking at when they’d be of an age when they could remember it. Well, now I have the argument that my parents’ choice for me has left me 6 times less likely of contracting HIV! Enough about cocks!

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Got horrendously drunk last night on Pina Coladas. Yes I know, what a cliche, sitting on a tropical beach under the stars with a glass full of umbrellas and fruit. Well, it’s a cliche I am perfectly happy to undertake.

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I am finding I am able to hold a decent conversation in Thai now, much to the amusement of locals round here, who try me out with all sorts of questions that I seem to be able to answer in my somewhat broken Thai.
I have found an excellent website for learning Thai. It teaches all the skills and uses small Flash sound files to great effect when dealing with pronunciation. Highly recommended!

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Court threat to UK

Court threat to UK song swappers

The UK’s record industry has issued illegal music downloaders with a warning that they must stop pirating music or face action in the courts.

It’s times like these that I love being in Thailand, where open piracy is everywhere I look, in Samui at least where within 15 seconds of this internet cafe I can buy GOOD quality DVD’s of all the latest movies, huge catalogues of music CDs, and Playstation 2 games, all this for pennies (ok between 100- 200 baht or 2-3 pounds). In Hatyai/Songkhla it is a lot more covert, but nevertheless pervasive. The way they operate is to just have the covers on display in little books which are generally kept out of sight. You choose your selection and an order is placed via mobile phone or a runner is sent to fetch them. Five minutes later you get your merchandise. There are occasional crackdowns by police but they rarely stem the flow for more than a week or so.

It goes without saying that I have a fantastic and very current DVD selection, well, it’s not like I can buy DVDs from Amazon as I have a shitty region 3 player, and it’s not like there’s much in the way of legit decent DVDs around for sale here, so I’m forced to buy pirate. I really don’t feel bad about this.

Back to the music. I am quite happy to admit that I might be considered a “serial uploader” on the basis that I share the ill-gotten gains I download off Soulseek, my client of choice for the last 18 months or so, but within the filesharing community this is what is required as a good citizen of that community, why should I consider this music just mine if I haven’t paid for it. I end up deleting stuff I don’t like anyway, why should I pay for something I might not like later, it makes no sense to me anymore, and besides which, music has no scarcity value for me anymore, I just don’t feel I have to pay anymore.

Meanwhile, is a Thai equivalent of the RIAA or BPI going to come after me? I doubt it. If they can’t even control the REAL piracy on the ground then how the hell are they going to stop it in cyberspace. Bahjingjing!

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I turned my piss pink

I turned my piss pink

“I managed to change the colour of my wee”
writes Lurking Bon, “by eating a large jar of
pickled beetroot. Just thought I’d share the
joy. You should try it - the pink wee lasts
all day.”

Oh yes, just because LDMA, is sitting on one of the most beautiful islands on Earth, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have time to blog dumb shit.

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A Rant on Service in Songkhla Restaurants

I have noticed that waiters here on Samui are far more intelligent and in tune with Western standards of service than in Songkhla, obviously because of the greater amounts of tourism, management training and competition for jobs. In Songkhla the list of restaurant faux pas are endless, but include:

• Giving a couple only one menu


• Ignoring customers on entry for 5 minutes or more


• Having seven waitresses crowding round your table to the extent that no single one can remember your entire order


• Not informing you until the end of your meal that a dish you ordered is not available


• Waitresses standing over your shoulder during periods when you need some thinking time eg considering orders and checking the bill


• Rice being considered a something separate to those incendiary Laab dishes and not being served until near the end of the meal. Generally considered a ploy to make you buy more expensive dishes


• Gaps between dishes arriving in excess of 15 minutes

Now, many might think I am unduly whining on some of these issues.

“Why don’t you just chill out? There’s nothing worse than a sour-faced customer.”

Well look, I’m the customer and if I am getting pissed off with somewhere it means there is something wrong with the place not with me. The solution you might say is simple, just don’t go. That might work were it not for the fact that most restaurants in Songhkhla break these rules. If we were to boycott every restaurant for these reasons, then we’d go hungry (or Kan would have to cook everyday which she doesn’t have time to do), so I am comforted by the standard of food which is generally good, and suffer the ignorance of the service.

Kan is currently considering an education project for restaurant management, so maybe, just maybe we can bring our local restaurants upto speed on what is considered good and bad service internationally.

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Destination Koh Samui

Well, after a glorious 3 days of internet free heaven I thought I’d better bite the bullet and hunt down an overpriced (but broadband) internet cafe here in Chaweng Beach, Koh Samui.

First of all, greetz to Tim who has the blog A Man In Japan, notable for his recent and fascinating expose of naked female sumo wrestling! Will be giving that a read over the next few weeks.
He also wins the prize for first visitor to this blog who I didn’t have to beg and cajole in person or via e-mail.

The journey to Samui was pretty cool though I am convinced that Songkhla is the only place in Thailand where it doesn’t rain or threaten to rain everyday. I have never driven through Phattalung when it hasn’t been raining, I guess that’s why it’s one of the main agricultural centres in Southern Thailand, (or why it’s not in Lonely Planet). We stopped off for lunch in Nakhon Si Thammarat (20 temples!) with one of Kan’s students and her Mum, then we headed for Suratani town, where after meeting up with one of my mates off the Ajarn.com board, we checked into the poshest 5* place in town which cost us just 900 baht (about 15 quid). Lovely. Yesterday we headed for Don Sak the ferry terminus, and sailed to ‘paradise’.

We are staying in Chaweng Villas, the same place that we stayed on our honeymoon, it’s a bit like deja-vu, but at the end of the day, we’re right on the beach, it’s peaceful and the bungalows are quality and not like some of the awful shacks that I’ve seen about, without being horrendously expensive.

I have mixed feelings about Samui as a whole. Sure it’s beautiful, but only if you can block out the crass backroads whicha re becoming more and more commercial everyday, there’s 3 Mc Donalds, 2 Burgerkings, Tesco Lotus, Starbucks, the list just goes on. It’s a far cry from the days when you could say it was a pristine paradise.

Still our accommodation does allow us to block this out to a certain extent and it is a lovely place to chill out an get drunk, and yes it’s good to get out of Songkhla for a bit, if only to remind myself why I like living there.

Dozily I didn’t bring my USB lead for my digital camera, but these cafe owners start going under when you start installing drivers and the hassle that involves anyway so I’ll put some choice pics up later when I get back.

Right I’m off to swim in that crystal clear, shallow, warm little bay that is Chaweng and makes all the stress of driving here worth it.

Laters

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